Inside the Outside.

I have been informed of this reference, in a drastically large numerical form by individuals relating it to me.  Most of the correlations, come from my family. 

"You don't talk enough."

"You talk too quietly."

"You need to get off the computer, and do something once in a while."

These informative sentences plague my every day life without warning, and without a break.

As more of a test, I went ahead and took some of the guidance of the individuals granting me this wonderfully giving advice, and went public, with more internal situations.

I decided to take my internal belief systems, and make them nonresidential to my thoughts.

I wore the same thing, everyday, constantly conversed Torah, and that's about all I did. 

At first, people were excited for me. Happy, that I had apparently "found G-d", unbeknownst to them, I have always had Him, and He has always had me, I just didn't care to share Him with the world. I took a radical turn in changing what people saw, into what I really was. Letting everyone know, exactly who I was. Serious about my relationship with The Father. 

That, became exactly what I was afraid it would. All people wanted to do, was tell me how I was wrong, and how I fit into this "stereotypical" hype, where people define me as "Chassidic", and couldn't wait for a moment to judge me, and didn't even wait when I wasn't there. I quickly found out, exactly who people are, and what they want. All they want, is something to discuss about, and rag on with their friends, and according to them, I was the perfect specimen. 

So, having come to the realization that even my family just wanted to conventionalize me down to a pinhole, I decided that it just wasn't worth it. What is the point, in sharing my closest relationship, and the most important, with people who don't want it? I have no grounds to give everyone a reason to judge me. 

I'm not saying everyone wanted that, there were a scarce sincere people, but they were far and few. They are the ones worth sharing it with, and to this day, I do. 

My main point here, is that my relationship with G-d, is my relationship, and no one should have the right to judge that, so why should I just put my rawest self on a platter for people to devour? Now that I don't wear a suit everyday, apparently, I am just a heathen who has nothing to do with G-d, because I don't raise my hand every second in Tikvah, or post a thousand bulletins on myspace declaring what I believe, and why you should believe that too.

It's just a silly game. 

The only way, I could ever satisfy everyone, is if I never saw them again.

So I'd really love it, if people would stop and think for a second, quit looking for my faith, and just ask me what you want to know, clean and cut, else-wise, you are running on a rabbit trail that proves that all you can see, is a stereotypical idea. 

Whatever happened to judging yourself, before you judge others? Look inside, before you look outside, that's exactly what I am doing, I don't understand why you can't do the same.

I'll never be what people want me as, all I am, is me. And you can never know me, unless you speak to me. So come on, really, I don't think wrong of other people that play this game, it's just part of who they are, I'm no one to judge them. No harsh feelings whatsoever, but when involved with me, I'd rather you just be blunt, come right out and talk to me, I'd appreciate the honesty, and sincerity, much more than you could imagine. I love the concept of "love your neighbor as yourself.", it really brings out the concept, that if you wanted to find yourself in something, you'd better start looking inside.